We’ve all been there. You meet someone and click straight away. Every date goes smoothly, your jokes are on point, and the sex is amazing. But for some reason, every time you meet up, you seem like strangers.
Eventually, it all just falls apart as one of you realizes that the other isn’t in it for the long haul. But in between, plenty of heartbreak can take place.
This kind of story is common. So common, in fact, that romantic experts have come up with a term for it: the “several night stand.” Ten one night stands one after the other doesn’t add up to a proper relationship – but it can be devastating nonetheless when it all breaks up. So what can you do to diagnose a several night stand, and how do you take it to the next level?
Do You Chat Outside of Your Dates?
Firstly, let’s work out whether your romantic adventure is a several night stand, or something more serious. One great way to tell for sure is by paying attention to how often you communicate with each other.
When true romances develop, the two partners tend to desire each other’s company all the time. They want to hear their voice, see photos of them on their Instagram feeds, or receive an email from their work desk.
But with several night stands things are totally different. In these cases, the two partners will often get on great during their dates. But they won’t communicate much in between. There isn’t that intense desire to know everything about the other person. Things are much more shallow and physical.
So if you aren’t receiving intimate texts every night or thinking about calling for a chat, you’re probably in an extended one night stand, instead of a budding relationship.
When You Ask More From Your Partner, Everything Changes
Another great sign that you’re in a several night stand is when your partner closes up or becomes distant when you ask them to leave their comfort zone. For instance, you might want them to join you at a parent’s birthday, or head to a friend’s wedding. Either way, it can lead to sudden and mysteriously negative reactions if both partners aren’t on the same page.
Why is this? Often, it’s because one partner is just in it for sex and sympathy. They don’t have, and never have had, any desire to create a complex, deep relationship. All they have ever wanted was physical gratification and company – basically a one night stand, over and over again.
You’ll instantly know if this the case when you make a request for something special. The weird thing is that people often gloss over this and keep things going. But you need to do better than that. It’s a sure fire sign that your relationship is going nowhere.
Can Sex Ever Be “Too Good”?
Here’s another strange thing about several night stands: they can often be the most intense sexual experiences either partner has ever had. In a way this makes sense. After all, the participants are essentially replaying one night stands every time they date. And the newness of one night stands can be pretty satisfying from a sexual standpoint, right?
Now we’re not saying that you should be suspicious of partners who have too much fun in the sack. The problem is when the sex remains at the basic physical level – the kind where two horny strangers fall into bed and everything happens at lightning speed. You know the scene.
When proper relationships bloom, sex changes. Both partners explore each other physically. They start to experiment, fall into a slower sexual rhythm, and generally chill out. But in several night stands, this mellowing out doesn’t happen. It all stays frantic and primal, before one partner simply loses interest or finds another fuck buddy.
What to Do If You Find Yourself in a Several Night Stand?
OK, so we’ve run through some of the danger signs about several night stands, so you should have a fairly good idea of how to spot one. But what is the right response?
Things aren’t always simple. For starters, it’s hard to tell a genuine relationship from a series of dates until you know the person better. And you need to give people time to decide whether they desire a long-term commitment. So don’t just take the knee-jerk response and get rid of a fickle partner too early.
But equally, after ten dates or so, you should know where you stand. After that, it’s time to be ruthless. At some stage, your partner has to choose, so don’t be afraid to lay it on the line.